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7 Ways to Soothe your Shyness

Shy people instinctively know that they are missing out. Shyness equals lost opportunities, less pleasure and fewer social connections. Shyness can be crippling but there are tried and tested ways to make it a thing of the past.

When I was fifteen I was shy. I recall an attractive girl attempting to engage me in conversation. My shyness made me focus on me instead of her. I heard my own voice but not hers and I thought about what I was trying to say instead of what she was trying to say.

The formula for shyness is “too much focus on the self” plus anxiety. To make it even more unpleasant, sometimes when you are feeling shy you experience physical sensations which ‘hijack’ your calm logical self.

My pulse raced, my mouth dried up and I felt like the village idiot! I couldn’t think what to say so I said nothing apart from making barely audible grunting noises! Cary Grant eat your heart out! When I detected pity in her eyes (or was it contempt, or boredom) I mumbled my excuse and got out of there. I hated being shy and was determined to change it.

How shyness is developed and maintained

Shyness really is a combination of social anxiety and social conditioning. To overcome shyness you need to learn to relax socially. This enables you to direct your attention away from yourself and gives you the space to practice certain conversational skills. In most cases, the heightened emotions of socializing when young simply condition the sufferer to respond to social events with fear, instead of excitement and pleasure.

Relaxed socializing is so pleasurable, not to say productive, but it is an advantage denied to many until they learn to relax. To start reducing your own shyness, I want you to absorb the following tips and ideas and start to put them into practice:

1) Think about the way you feel and behave around familiar people you are comfortable and spontaneous around. It’s that feeling transferred to new people and situations that equates to your emerging social confidence.

2) Focus your attention away from yourself. Sure, you can think a little bit about how you are coming across, but if all your focus is on your own words and feelings then you might as well be by yourself. Notice what other people are wearing and make a mental note, listen to their conversation, imagine where they might live, make a point of remembering names. Not only does this give you more to talk about, it also ‘dilutes’ social anxiety leaving you feeling calmer.

3) Ask people open questions. Many people like to talk about themselves and will find you interesting if you find them interesting. Ask questions that require more than a ‘yes’/’no’ response such as ‘What do you like about this place?’ rather than: ‘Do you like this place?’ Once they’ve answered use ‘add-on’ questions connected to the first such as: ‘What other places do you like in this city.?’ Next you can express your views. This is a great way to get the conversation going. If the conversation doesn’t ‘take’ then no matter, you’ve done your bit.

4) Stop trusting your imagination so much! Have you ever had an imaginary picture in your mind of a holiday destination only to arrive and find the reality is different from the way you had imagined? That’s how reliable imagination is. Stop imagining what others think. I do lots of public speaking and I’ve long since stopped trying to second guess what others think of me – it’s just too painful. Besides, what a person thinks about you has a lot more to do with who they are than who you are.

5) Stop using ‘all or nothing’ thinking. The ‘completely this/completely that’ style of thought occurs when you are emotional. People who are depressed, angry or anxious see reality in terms of differing extremes, simplistic all or nothing terms. An angry person is ‘right’ and you are ‘wrong’; the depressed person feels like a ‘failure’ while others are a ‘success’. In reality, life is composed of infinite gray areas. So stop fearing that you might say the ‘wrong’ thing! Or that people will ‘hate’ you. Once you start to relax more socially you’ll notice much less black or white thinking because anxiety actually causes you to think in all or nothing terms.

6) Take your time. You don’t have to blurt things out. Ask questions and if questions are asked of you can take time to consider your response (within reason). Don’t just blurt out what you think might be the ‘right’ answer. A slow answer is a relaxed answer.

7) Finally, use hypnotic rehearsal. Hypnosis is the quickest way to change your instinctive/emotional response to any situation. Only think about meeting others when your mind and body is relaxed. This conditions you to associate relaxation with being around new people. In fact you’ll find that when you relax deeply enough often enough whilst hypnotically rehearsing being comfortable around others you’ll reach the point where you just can’t be shy any more! This is what I call a ‘happy inability!’

I now love meeting new people and suspect that my current social confidence would be unrecognizable to my fifteen year old self.

Overcome shyness now at HypnosisDownloads.com

Article by Mark Tyrrell of Hypnosis Downloads.com.

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Defeating Imposter Syndrome: Overcoming the Fear of Fraud

According to one study, about 70% of all people have felt like an imposter at some point in their lives. It’s like being stuck in a loop of self-doubt, where no matter how hard you try, you can’t seem to get out of it. It’s like a hamster running on a wheel, getting nowhere fast.

Section 1: Understanding Imposter Syndrome

Imposter Syndrome is a phenomenon in which individuals doubt their accomplishments and skills, and feel like they don’t belong. It can lead to feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, and fear of failure. It is important to identify these feelings and take steps to address them in order to overcome Imposter Syndrome.

Imposter Syndrome refers to the internal experience of self-doubt, where individuals believe they are not as competent as others perceive them to be. Despite success in education, experiences, or accomplishments, those affected by Imposter Syndrome tend to feel plagued by chronic feelings of fraud, incompetence, and inadequacy. For instance, an individual may feel like their success is a fluke, or that they are only successful because they have been overly lucky.

Section 2: Who is Affected?

Imposter Syndrome can affect anyone, but it is often experienced by high-achieving individuals. Those who constantly question their abilities, fear being discovered as imposters, and believe that their successes are merely a result of “timing” or “good luck” are prone to this phenomenon. It is not limited to a particular gender, age group, or profession. Imposter Syndrome can cause feelings of anxiety, depression, and even career stagnation. It is important to recognize and address it in order to manage it effectively.

Seeking help from a professional can help to identify the source of the issue, as well as provide strategies for overcoming it. Additionally, talking to others who have dealt with similar issues can be beneficial in understanding how to best cope with it.

Junot Díaz, a Dominican-American writer, wrote: “But if these years have taught me anything it is this: you can never run away. Not ever. The only way out is in.”

Section 3: The Impact and Cost

Living with Imposter Syndrome takes a toll on one’s mental and emotional well-being. The ongoing anxiety of being exposed as a fraud can lead to a constant state of stress. Individuals may over-prepare or work excessively hard, trying to “make sure” that nobody discovers their perceived incompetence. The fear of failure looms large and can hinder personal and professional growth. This anxiety can also cause individuals to become overwhelmed and to suffer from low self-esteem. It can also lead to a lack of self-confidence and a fear of taking risks. The impact of imposter syndrome can be profound; it can lead to feelings of isolation, depression, and hopelessness. It can make individuals feel as if they are not worthy of success or recognition and can prevent them from taking risks or trying new things. It can also lead to a decrease in productivity and a decrease in overall happiness.

Section 4: Overcoming Imposter Syndrome

Recognizing and addressing Imposter Syndrome is the first step towards overcoming it. Here are a few strategies that can help individuals break free from the grip of self-doubt:

1. Embrace your achievements: Acknowledge your accomplishments and give yourself credit for your hard work. You have earned your success through your skills and efforts.

2. Challenge negative thoughts: Challenge the negative beliefs that fuel Imposter Syndrome. Remember that perfection is not attainable, and making mistakes is a part of the learning process.

3. Seek support: Reach out to a trusted friend, mentor, or therapist who can provide guidance and support. Sharing your feelings and experiences with others can help alleviate the burden of Imposter Syndrome.

4. Celebrate progress: Instead of fixating on perceived failures, celebrate your progress and growth. Recognize that everyone makes mistakes, and it is through these experiences that we learn and improve.

According to Winston Churchill, “Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”

Conclusion:

Imposter Syndrome is a common internal struggle faced by many individuals, often silently. By understanding the nature of Imposter Syndrome and implementing strategies to overcome it, we can break free from the fear of being discovered as a fraud. By doing this we can finally believe in ourselves and embrace our true potential. In our workplaces, we need to foster a culture of open discussion, where individuals are supported to feel confident in their abilities. Remind yourself and others to focus on successes and recognize accomplishments, no matter how small. Finally, we need to practice self-compassion and be kind to ourselves when we make mistakes.

Remember, you are capable, deserving, and worthy of your achievements. Let go of self-doubt and step into your greatness. Show yourself the respect and love you deserve and remember that you can always grow and evolve.

It’s like facing a dragon: the first step is admitting it exists, then gathering the courage to tackle it head-on. With determination and drive, you can slay the beast.

References:

Winston Churchill quote (https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/56001-success-is-not-final-failure-is-not-fatal-it-is)

[1] N. (2020, October 7). Imposter Syndrome: How to Overcome the Fear of Being Discovered as a Fraud. Retrieved from https://www.mindful.org/imposter-syndrome-overcome-fear/

[2] J. (2020, June 15). How to Overcome Imposter Syndrome and Believe in Yourself. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/unlock-your-potential/202006/how-overcome-imposter-syndrome-and-believe-in-yourself

** Empower your mind – Transform your life **

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Cultivating Inner Strength: Building Self-Confidence With Mindfulness

Introduction:

In a fast-paced world filled with distractions and self-doubt, finding inner confidence can be challenging. However, by incorporating mindfulness into our daily lives, we can develop a strong sense of self-assurance and navigate life’s ups and downs with grace and resilience. In this blog post, we will explore the powerful connection between mindfulness and self-confidence, and how the practice of mindfulness can help us cultivate a deep sense of inner strength. For instance, by taking the time to practice mindfulness meditation, we can become more aware of our thoughts and feelings and develop the ability to let go of negative self-talk and recognize our true potential.

Section 1: Understanding Mindfulness

Mindfulness is the art of being fully present in the moment, paying attention to our thoughts, feelings, and surroundings without judgment. By observing our experiences with curiosity and kindness, we can cultivate a heightened state of awareness and develop a stronger connection with our inner selves. For instance, by practicing mindful breathing, we can become aware of our physical sensations, such as our heartbeat and breathing, and focus on the present moment without letting our mind wander.

Section 2: Learning to Love Yourself and Your Inner Dialogue!

One of the main obstacles to self-confidence is the constant chatter of our inner dialogue, filled with self-criticism and doubt. Through mindfulness, we can learn to observe these thoughts without getting caught up in them. By creating space and distance from our negative self-talk, we can begin to challenge and reframe our beliefs, nurturing a more positive and empowering inner dialogue.

Section 3: Noticing the Present Moment

Often, our lack of self-confidence arises from dwelling on past failures or worrying about future uncertainties. Mindfulness brings us back to the present moment, anchoring our attention to what is happening right now. By noticing the sensations in our body, the sounds around us, and the beauty of our surroundings, we shift our focus away from self-doubt and embrace the richness of the present moment.

As Roy T. Bennett once wrote:

“The past is a place of reference, not a place of residence; the past is a place of learning, not a place of living.”

Section 4: Cultivating Awareness Through Meditation

Meditation is a powerful tool for enhancing mindfulness and building self-confidence. By dedicating a few minutes each day to meditation practice, we learn to observe our thoughts and emotions with detachment. This practice helps us develop a deep sense of self-awareness and acceptance, allowing us to let go of self-limiting beliefs and embrace our true potential. Meditation is like taking a journey within ourselves, unlocking the doors of our inner wisdom and allowing us to uncover our true identity.

Section 5: The Flow State and Self-Confidence

When we are fully present and engaged in an activity, we enter a state of flow. Flow is characterized by a complete immersion in the task at hand, where time seems to stand still, and our actions feel effortless. By practicing mindfulness, we can access the flow state more frequently, boosting our confidence as we experience moments of mastery and accomplishment. This can also lead to a sense of clarity, focus, and purpose, as we find ourselves more connected to the present moment and our true potential. It can also help us to reduce stress, anxiety, and depression, as we feel calmer and more resilient.

Conclusion:

Incorporating mindfulness into our lives is a transformative journey towards building self-confidence. By quieting our inner dialogue, noticing the present moment, and cultivating awareness through meditation, we open ourselves up to a world of inner strength and resilience.

According to Sharon Salzberg, a meditation teacher,

“Mindfulness, also called wise attention, helps us see what we’re adding to our experiences, not only during meditation sessions but also elsewhere.”

With consistent practice and patience, we can tap into our true potential, embracing life with confidence and grace.